What our families, especially our mothers and fathesr, believe about us can have dire consequences for our lives. The Bible is true when it says that "The tongue has the power of life and death" (Proverbs 18:21). I am reminded of my first husband, whose father often told him he'd never amount to anything and that he had a remarkable power to screw up all he touched. Sadly, it turned out to be true. Today he is addicted to both drugs and alcohol. He has ruined two marriages and severely disappointed three children. Anything we hear repeatedly becomes part of us. It is the way brainwashing works. That's why it is so important to only speak words of life over our children and over other people.
Blog Assignment: All of us will be responding to the same prompt this week. It is #3 on page 568. If you are so motivated, you might read the essay that preceeds it entitled, "Only Daughter" by Sandra Cisneros. It will help direct your focus.
My Response: After my father passed away, my mother gave me a letter he sent me when I was just an infant and he was a traveling salesman. I like to take out that letter every now and then. In fact, I keep it in a cabinet where I am unlikely to misplace it. It's that special. In it, he relates how thrilled he is to have me as part of the family, how he feels blessed by God through my existence. He relates how much he is saddened by having to be on the road, and he reveals the dreams he has for my life -- dreams of success and happiness. Now, I never knew this letter existed (though maybe he read it to me when I was very young), but I always knew that there was a strong bond between us that was different than the bond between my father and my older stepsister and the one between Daddy and my younger sister. It wasn't stronger, it was just different. I know I disappointed him many times, like when I decided to become an English major instead of a business major in college. In all fairness, I did take one accounting class -- a night class in an underground building lit solely by flourescent lights. Definitely NOT for me. Give me books, give me writing, give me literary food for speculation about life and the unknown. Other times, I pleased him by my choices, like when I decided I was going to take the test to become a general contractor. I passed it the first time around, something grown men who had been in the industry all their lives were unable to do. He was as proud as a rooster in the henyard. You might see a huge dichotomy between the two; however, the consummate act of creativity lies within both fields. And that is what I am all about. I am a creator (not surprising, considering I am made in the very image of the Creator). And maybe those words, words spoken over me in the night as I slept, filled me with the life he so desperately wanted for me -- a life of happiness, a life of creation.
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How does it feel to be the odd girl out at times? I can say I have felt this way for years but it has only made me appreciate my little flaws. I grew up in a loving, yet strict home growing up. My family is your typical “Irish Catholic” family. We are very religious and some activities I was never allowed to partake in. My parents had very high expectations for me growing up and they still do. Every Sunday I was at church rain or shine, I couldn’t have sleep overs, my first girl/boy party was in high school things like that most people would take for granted. I can honestly say though it’s not my parents who taught me who I am. I had to learn it all on my own, and in some ways I did turn out like them. Parents can entrust their values all they want, but in the end its their child that needs to decide what is best for them. The expectations were extremely high for me. I couldn’t wear two piece swim suits, I couldn’t celebrate Halloween, no boy-girl parties, no PG-13 movies till I was past 13, dresses were always worn at church, I couldn’t watch the Disney channel, and I was homeschooled for awhile. Reading this some people may be in shock but its all I ever really knew. I admit I endured many tears over things that normal kids got to do. In the end I am not to say that those activities I didn’t partake in make me a better kid but when I look at most of my friends they don’t always have the best values. I really don’t have many friends to begin with, I’d say I have about eight friends. Only 3 of them are true to me. But the three friends are golden and are always true to themselves. I can honestly say I am 18 years old and I have never used drugs or have been drunk. I also wear a purity ring. I think most parents would want their children to do the good things I am doing now. I know my parents would. However, I chose this all for myself. Most people go through their party stage, but I never did. I don’t desire any thing in that category. I was the oldest child as well so I was always experimented on. My parents rules have completely changed as my younger sister entered high school. She could do way more things than I ever could. I love my crazy life and I am at peace with it. I am thankful for the few friends because I know they truly would never hurt me. I accept my family’s vision to another extent but I don’t know if that’s how I would raise me kids. I would use different methods with the same values. I turned out good and that’s all I can say. Can’t complain.
ReplyDeleteI grew up with three brothers and I always been the one who has high expectations for doing the best out of the three of us. I did not meet some of the expectations for me at his time. I graduated high school with my class and I did not know what to do from there. I had good grades but I did not know if collage was for me. I was really good at sports and I could of played football or basketball but I just lost hope after high school.I got into some trouble and It just put a hult on my collage life. so the expectations where high. the grnder and been the youngest did effect my expectations for going to collage and becoming a part of the world. my family did not reject my not going to collage they told me it will come in time and you will be more than what you put your mind too.
ReplyDeleteWell I grew up as an only child, living with my father, who's occupation was working for the City Of West Palm Beach Police Department. What more can I say than I was extremely sheltered. Being the only child I think your parents have the highest expectations possible for you, because you are the only one they can focus on in their life. My dad wouldn't allow me to hang out with certain people and I was only allowed to go to certain activities that were approved by him, however my mother did not agree with his parental methods. Well I did end up living with my mother the last 2 years of high school and although my father thought my grades would get worse, they actually got better. My GPA went up to 3.5. I was very proud to say that my GPA went up and I graduated from high school. When the time came for college. Well that was a different story. I guess you could say that I went a little wild. I left home immediately and moved in with friends and lets just say I let the party begin. What can I say I was 18 years old and no one was going to tell me what to do in life. Besides I didn't know what I was going to do at college. I know they both wanted me to attend college and go on to become that dream doctor, lawyer, or engineer. That was not going to happen, their were things I missed out on growing up and unfortunately living with one parent and being at home alone without them, I had to grow up on my own and become my own person. I've learned a lot about my past, but its all behind me and so here I am today in college trying to play catch up. I'm still entertaining my parents idea of me going and making something of myself. At least I did it on my own terms.
ReplyDeletePaula Donaldson
ReplyDeleteProfessor McDonald
ENC 0010
October 31, 2011
I grew up in a strict family where established morals such as spirituality, education, and prioritizing of one’s needs were the foundations of my family. In addition, these morals gave direction to each family member including myself. For example, the strong belief in God was a daily virtue that helped to direct my path as I grew older. Another family expectation was to value education, knowing that knowledge is power and the key to success in life. Also, the ability to distinguish my wants apart from my needs were often practiced by parents; therefore , I am able today to prioritize my tasks and to accomplishing my goals utilizing a clear and well- defined plan. These expectations helped me to discover myself as well as to embrace the fact that I can be triumphant at any challenge that I may face. I am also more motivated and have a positive attitude towards any challenge that I may encounter. Moreover, I know that hard work always pays off, so I tend to do my best in all I do. These expectations were high, but attainable. Therefore, I did not succumb to mediocrity, but instead made my parents feel proud of me. Gender was not a factor that could have compromised those expected standards. Each and every one of my family members were expected to adhere to these morals .My family expects me to be God fearing, to achieve educational successful, and to establish a clear path or direction in life. This vision my family have of me is carried out in my life every day, and it is always a pleasure for me to embrace them.
Growing up as a Christian my parent’s vision for me is to continue to serve God despite trials or persecution. Even though they value education, they never set a specific level of achievement for me or my siblings. My mom, a college Professor always said that, setting up reasonable expectations for children at the right level, not too high and not too low; children tend to do very well in life. Maybe that’s the reason why my parents never expected us to follow in their footsteps, but allowed us to choose our own path. Also, they never compared us to one another; that would have been difficult since there are eight of us. My father use to say that, every child develops at a different rate. Therefore, they did not oblige me or my siblings to pursue for higher education because they chose too; although, they are both educated, they don’t believe that higher learning helps a person to be a good parent, mate, or friend. Hence, all of us graduated from high school and decided to follow our heart. After high school I was interested in the medical field, as a result, I attended a vocational school for License Practical Nursing. I worked in that field for awhile and realized that it was not for me. I don’t want to be around the sick all the time. I am glad that my parents did not have a specific vision for me because such burden could have added pressure on me, trying to live up to their expectations.
ReplyDeleteMy mother poured her twenty nine years of her life, into twelve years of my life. “It’s not what you wear, how many bedrooms are in your house, or even what you look like that defines you. But, it is who you are on the inside defines you”. I admired the nice cars that were driven by my auntie’s boyfriends and the beautiful clothes and jewel she wore. My mother noticed how I would react when her sister visited it even gave her the courage to tell her she was no longer welcome at our house. My mother told me that the cares of this world comes with a price. Sometimes that price is too high. She would say “never be envious nor jealous of what others have, you may never know what that person had to do to get what they have”. Growing up in a family that lived their fast life filled with the pleasures of the world, alcohol, drugs and prostitution with no regarded for anyone else. Stealing to get high, selling their bodies for a fix and sometimes even the one’s they say they loved. My mother was a beautiful woman who could have aloud what she saw to change the person she knew she was and the example she was called to be, worked two jobs five days a week to provide for her children. We lived in an apartment all of my life growing up which was always nicely furnished. She brought a new car every two years and dressed every day like it would be her last. My mother was faced with many challenges, but not one changed her or the principles that she based life on, nor the gold to raise her children in the emanation of the Lord. I’m thank full too have had the love and expectations of such a woman that expected me to always do what is right and reach beyond the break- in whatever situation you may be in . My mother did not discriminate, male or female with no disrespect to gender taught the same principles oldest to youngest or vice verse, just as the father has called use to accountability for your actions. If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything.
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